My Sacred Moment
trying to make sense of everything in lifetrying to sort it all out in my mind love is not a problem to be solved I only cry
used to be approval was my thingwhat you think of me was all that seemed important in the achievement of the dream In your blue eyes
my heart ripped open widemy heart ripped open wide my heart ripped open wide
I just returned from performing at Catalyst Creativ in Las Vegas last week. It was an amazing gathering hosted by the community design firm, Catalyst Creativ in partnership with Tony Hsieh's Downtown Project. Catalyst Creativ builds community through events, activations and conversations. Many amazing artists presented pieces on the subject of authentic creativity and technology. In addition to our performances, we also spent four days touring Zappos and many businesses and creative offerings of The Downtown Project, a new thought community that is sprouting up at a rapid pace in Las Vegas. I was happy to share my meditation program with the group one morning where we experienced an expanded state and community resonance after humming together. The best part of the week was participating in what they called a reciprocity circle facilitated by CEO and founder, Amanda Slavin. The group made reciprocal offers of guidance and assistance to support each other's dreams being realized. It was so powerful and synchronistic that it almost felt surreal. You could definitely feel the love permeating the room and also the true power in community. The boys and I drove out of Las Vegas at dusk, singing. And we didn't stop singing until we arrived home in Malibu 5 hours later. Participating at Catalyst week was truly a transformational experience. We feel so incredibly blessed to be have been a part of it.
On this weeks blog, I share with you, an excerpt from our presentation at Catalyst Creativ week. The opening lyrics are from a song I wrote called "Cry". It was the first in a three song essay that I performed backed by my band, sons Tyler, and Trapper. My nephew Harrison returned to join us after a year of living in Hawaii. Our piece was entitled, My Sacred Moment. I hope you find it enlightening in one way or another.
I feel creative energy in it’s purest form to actually be one and the same with spiritual energy. And if you can find a way to tap into it deeply enough, and truly merge with your unique heart signature,you will experience the voice of your soul calling you victoriously home.
I know this to be true because this is what happened to me.
My Vedic astrologer describes my chart as blood, guts and glory. And although my life isn’t always easy, this has been my unique path to finding authentic creativity.
The golden key to discovering true authentic creativity for all of us, is buried deep inside our own hearts just waiting for us to unlock the door, but many have no idea that this treasure awaits, as we rarely take the time to stop and listen to the messages our hearts are sending.
Lucky for us, we can be certain that at some point in our life, a sacred moment will come knocking at our door and deliver us a moment of pause. Sacred moments can arrive in many forms:
- expansive connections with nature
- magical dreams
- birth of a child
- union with your lover
However in my personal experience the deepest sacred moments, or the ones that provide the biggest opportunity for authentic creative expression, are often ones that arrive along with a large serving of extreme pain. These type of sacred moments can be found in these forms of life experiences:
- death of your beloveds
- break ups with the one you thought was yours
- financial dismantling and the loss of stuff
- feeling the cry of the earth’s pain inside your own body.
As I see it, the only real intelligent option you have during these sacred moments is to get down on your knees and offer this experience over to something greater than yourself. Because the burden is just too much to bear all on your own. In my life, I actually offer all experiences whether joyous or devastating over to the larger force. That way I can truly be a servant or channel of my life mission. The truth is that if you can find the spiritual perspective, even painful events carry within them a deep expansive beauty. But I have to admit saying that painful sacred moments carry with them the greatest opportunity in existence. This is because extreme pain requires extreme faith. And this can be your gift, because if you allow it, it will work miracles in your life, connect you to your soul and allow you to serve the highest design of your life. Isn’t that we all are trying to experience?
I choose to hold a sacred perspective about my own life, one of a lens that I am extremely blessed as I have experienced every flavor of sacred moment previously described in this post. But In 2004 one particularly significant and painful sacred moment rendered me on my knees.
I suffered the loss of a beloved teacher that came about in sudden and violent way. I know, maybe this is maybe a bit unusual to grasp for most -but for a seeker of God and a devoted student, it was devastating. I felt as if I had my arm swiftly chopped off without warning. Here I was holding my teachers firm guiding hand on the path to God and it felt as if a sword appeared out of nowhere and swiftly severed that grasp. It was so shocking to me that I could barely breathe.
The background on the betrayal I experienced from my perspective was that I had been a devoted student of this teacher for a two year period, sincerely trying to support him and the teachings in every possible way that I could. Near the end of our time together, I met another Indian guru who I felt embodied what it was that we had been trying to experience. I was immature in thinking that we were all going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya together around a fire. What happened next is that I was served a legal summons accusing me of trying to steal his flock. It was a ridiculous accusation as they were demanding the return of 20 or so email addresses, and excommunicating me from the group
Even though the email heist was a false accusation and almost too ridiculous to respond to, I felt betrayed in the deepest sense of the word. To compound things, I not only lost my teacher, but I lost a community of people and friends that I had spent two years studying and mediating with. I was lost in agony and completely alone. I had no one to call, there was no one who could understand what it was that I was experiencing. I was the divergent. I was outcast.
At times I had felt that my teacher was my only connection to the divine and that my salvation rested in the lap of this beloved white haired grandpa. Of course I now know that the true reality of this experience was that my soul was providing me a profound lesson in giving my power away. And my time with him was complete. But at the time, I was completely emotionally devastated.
I couldn’t sleep as my emotional turmoil kept cycling through my brain. I had so much hardness in my heart that I would wake up at 4:00 am,my skin burning so intensely that I felt it was bleeding. Out of sheer desperation, I decided to try practicing a humming meditation technique that I had learned from the new Indian guru some weeks prior. It’s an ancient technique and it what is called an active meditation. The vibrations of the hum serve to clear residue or in my case, emotional trauma, so you can experience possibly a moment of stillness or connection with your soul. And so I hummed and I cried and I hummed and I cried, and so on for many many mornings.
And then one day quite suddenly and seamlessly, something amazing happened. A song wrote me. I say the song wrote me, because I wasn’t trying to write a song, I was trying to meditate and heal my heart. And here I was receiving lyrics, with melodies and harmonies to songs that came from I wasn’t quite sure where. At first it seemed incredible but then as I inquired deeper, I remembered how I knew I was already a singer as a child of 6. This signature existed in my heart and yet my entire life it had eluded me.
I continued meditating and more songs were coming. I am not a trained musician so I didn’t know chords or what an A, D, or G was. I made childlike charts on a piece of paper. Counting keys on a harmonium that I had purchased at the great yogi master, Paramahamsa Yogananda’s ashram in Encinitas, I counted, 11 from the left, and 8 from the right, marking the paper so I could find chords I was hearing.
Then one early morning when the moon was still full, I heard the soft strum of a guitar adding a layer of sweet texture to the drone of my harmonium. I smiled and as I opened my eyes I saw the moonlight shining on my son Tyler, then age 10 who had gotten out of bed and come into join me.
I had found the song of my own heart. But little did I know that It was only the very beginning of an experience of love that embodied a Mother’s joy completely. That experience was becoming a musician alongside my sons over the next seven years. Every time we came together around music, it was a triumph for me. Each time we wrote and developed songs and worked with different arrangements, every note that inspired them to write their own songs, every rehearsal, recording session, and gig, all of it was a complete joy.
The experience was complete fulfillment inherent in the process before anyone else heard one single note. I was fulfilled and kissed by this expression of my heart again and again. You can bet, I wouldn’t trade that painful sacred moment for anything in the world. It was the catalyst for my deepest authentic creativity.
And so I often ask myself this question, was my teacher my deepest enemy or in fact my greatest teacher? I remember how he rested his hand on tenderly on my cheek the last time I saw him as if he knew what was going to transpire. As a result of this painful experience I found my hearts song, this musical voice that is such an immense blessing in my life.
It is from this place of experience that I share my music on this blog. My music is an example of the power of sacred moments and their guiding path to the grander sacred journey. I share my journey so that I may inspire yours.
Here is “Cry” the second track from my album, “Mother Of Mine” which speaks to my profound sacred moment, the catalyst to finding my authentic voice.
The next time a sacred moment appears in your life, I urge you to recognize it as such. Inquire within, and find your own heart's song. And then serve it with all the courage and love that you have. If you feel the call, try out my meditation program. It's a 30 minute program that will assist you in establishing a sitting practice. And if you feel like going deeper and exploring more of my music. Check out my albums "Mother of Mine" and "Jai Home". All the tracks have a message of transformation that I will be writing about on this blog. If you want some food inspiration, check out our first e-cookbook, JAI SEED. Its 77 pages of plant based yum! Finally if you feel inspired, you can "like" my Facebook page SriMati Music...
In deep love and service,